landscape sunset architecture platform

Oilfield Stories: FauxRight

Inspired by the @StreetBomber story on the Chuck Yates Needs A Job podcast, I thought it may be fun to start a thread on everyone’s fun workplace stories. So I’ll give it a go first.

To keep it going, just reach out to me on Twitter and we can discuss, or send me the story at afeleaks@gmail.com and I”ll post it. Just send it to me in word format or something and I’ll do it justice.


I’ve had a pretty broad career so far in both engineering and finance, and usually the best stories involve some young gun getting hammered and doing something stupid. But honestly, I think some of the craziest and/or weirdest stuff comes from being out in the field.

So that’s where I’ll take this post.

Setup

As some background, I started out as a production engineer in GoM back in the 2000s. As part of that training, you spent a significant amount of time out on the platform in the beginning.

For those that don’t know, a platform out on the shelf is essentially a slab with legs that runs down to the ocean floor, and it is basically like being stuck on a small deserted island with a bunch of dudes.

landscape sunset architecture platform
Photo by Zukiman Mohamad on Pexels.com

Who’s usually out there? Well, I don’t want to stereotype, but my experience is it’s a mix of Cajuns, ex-cons, sometimes the same, and well-meaning folks trying to make a good living. And just like being out on a drilling rig, they aren’t always the most accomadating to the new guy fresh out of school that doesn’t know shit (but come on, I was just out of school!). Regardless, they’ll warm up eventually.

It’s a bit like a family out there, and with any family, sometimes you just got to get away from them. Some folks will go work out alone on the helipad. Some will just hand a fishing line over the side and not fish because, come on, that’s totally not allowed. But sometimes there’s some good fish that the cook will fix up, origins unknown. (FYI a good cook is worth his weight in gold out there).

And some will snore so damned loud in one of the shared rooms that they effectively get a room for themselves. Seriously, in this one instance it was probably the loudest damned snores I’ve ever heard in my life. So, despite having been in there before him, I proceeded to go to one of the other rooms looking for an open bunk. Some guys were playing cards, and others were just watching tv. I eventually found my way to a room with a single occupant.

This guy was just hanging out in there with a makeshift curtain around the bottom bunk on one side, watching tv, and laughing his ass off like it was the funniest show you’d have ever seen in your life. Which was fine, the tv within his mini-created room was effectively hidden by the sheet, and his occasional guffaw was much preferable to the yeti in the other room. So I plopped my ass down on the lower bunk on the opposite side and went to sleep.


The Next Morning

I woke up fairly early the next day pretty refreshed. Hell, I was probably 22 years old at the time so I could have been at a rager the night before and woke up feeling fine. The previous night’s occupant was nowhere to be seen. I went in to the kitchen and had some breakfast. Few guys were looking me sideways and giving some chuckles. Thought they were planning something devious, but didn’t want to call them out or anything.

Anyway, after finishing my meal, the cook sauntered up to me with just the biggest smile on his face.

“Hey, Why didn’t out tell me you were in there last night? I would have shut off all the porn if I’d have known!”

Yup, the guy serving me breakfast the next morning was my afore-mentioned roommate, and the amazing comedy he was watching the night before was, I assume, the raunchiest damn porno the world has ever seen, and once again, I’m guessing he was probably doing untowards things with himself.

The other hands listening were just laughing their ass off.

Needless to say, the rest of the hitch was a bit awkward. And I still cook my own eggs to this day.


Wrap Up

I’ve got more, and I’ll start writing them up. But really, I want to use this as a jumping point for the rest of you to tell me some funny or embaressing oilfield work stories. Figure we can all get a good laugh. So please god share! You can email me at afeleaks@gmail.com.

And give us a follow while you’re at it.


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